Chapter Twenty-One | Deep Water

Warren and Karou left their unit and started walking. Inevitably, they ended up in the woods but decided not to go to the tavern because that was too ordinary a way to spend their day. A brook ran under the small bridge on the trail to the tavern, and Karou had always been curious to find out where it went but had never dared to take the walk alone. Today was the perfect day to go on an adventure in the safety of Warren's company. They strayed from the dirt track and trekked through the ferny summertime undergrowth, following the water.

"You really ought'a have worn better sho—maybe the boots I got you—if you planned on walking over this sort of terrain."

Karou glanced down at the flimsy canvas shoes she was wearing. "But they would've looked so bulky, and besides, it's sunny today." She appreciated that Warren was being practical but still wanted to look nice. Against her better judgment, it mattered to her how he saw her. He always looked so pristine and effortlessly flawless.

"They look nicer than a broken ankle, I promise," Warren grumbled. He couldn't truly relax when he had to watch her every step just in case something befell her.

"Hey! I'm not that weak. I won't snap like a twig, y'know? Remember I managed to get here in November in tennis shoes?" Over her shoulder, she childishly stuck out her tongue.

Stepping between shade and rays of sunlight as it flickered through the canopy, Karou had a wonderfully satisfied smile on her face. It felt like they were alone in the wilderness, with nature as their only companion. The aura of the woods was peaceful. Birds sang. The wind moved the trees and made the branches creak and leaves flutter. The brook they were following babbled over the bedrocks. It was easy to become down when confined to a place like the unit, with all its cold concrete, dark shades, angular furniture, and sterile atmosphere. Yet, out there, there was a palpable sense of freedom; you could practically smell it.

Regardless, the only thing Warren could focus on scent-wise was how the sun warmed Karou's pale skin and filled his nose with her sweet aroma. The foliage, tree bark, dirt, and water all mellowed in comparison; she truly smelled like light itself.

As Karou roamed ahead through the trees on the brook's bank, Warren's thoughts also wandered. His daydreaming was cut short when suddenly Karou took off sprinting through the undergrowth until she came to an abrupt halt. The Compound's South wall stretched skyward before her. The water she'd been following escaped through a metal grate at the base of the outer wall and meandered off into the unknown.

"Damn it! I wanted to see where the stream led. I thought there'd be a pond or something." With her palms and fingers splayed over the concrete, she peered over her shoulder at Warren, frowning.

"If I'd known that's why we were walking this way, I'd have told you sooner," Warren said. "I'm sorry you're disappointed. The water leads to a small lake about a mile from here."

"And you couldn't have built the wall a mile further that way?" Karou whined, setting her back against the concrete sulkily.

"I'm sorry I didn't consider your wishes prior to building the Compound four years ago," Warren smirked wryly, then turned away, initiating a new direction.

Karou traipsed after him, but now, rather than walking ahead, she lingered beside him, looking up at his profile every so often. "Is that how long you've lived here?"

"Since construction was finalised." As they walked, the South East gate's watchtowers became visible through the trees a short distance away, but Karou was too busy looking at Warren to notice.

"And you've lived on your own that whole time?" Karou mused. "Where did you live before?"

Warren shot Karou the side-eye. "You're asking a lot of questions again."

Put out and shot down just for attempting to start a conversation, Karou had been about to apologise when…

"I've lived alone since about 1961. And all over the place; New York, France, England, Russia, Italy, here."

"Whoa, that's a lot of places and a lot of time, too. Fifty years alone? Don't you ever get lonely?" Karou couldn't imagine desiring to be solitary.

"Not often, no. I think it's a matter of perspective. From time to time, I've paid for company..."

"Ew, gross..." Karou pulled a face.

"Charming. So, you don't bat an eyelid when I show you what I keep in my basement but readily judge me for succumbing to my male urges once in a while?" Warren gave her an incredulous sort of look. It worked to make her feel a little guilty.

"I guess I assumed you'd have girlfriends for that sort of thing."

"Women don't stick around for long. Probably because of my nature. My demeanour. My work. It's all off-putting. And I'm not particularly good at commitment."

"So, why'd you wear a wedding ring?" Karou asked as she looked at a tree, suddenly fascinated by it for the sake of escaping his eyes.

"Hm, you're observant as well as judgmental, I see," Warren muttered. Usually, he wouldn't have been so willing to explain why he wore it. Frankly, he believed it was no one's business but his own. Still, he wanted to let Karou know that there wasn't anyone he was officially involved with and tried not to think about his reason for that for too long because it made him feel shameful and deluded. "I never had the chance to marry her. In the twenties, men didn't wear engagement bands, but Cammy thought it'd keep what remained of my chastity intact for her on our wedding night."

"It didn't, did it?"

"No, of course not. I was younger and stupider then." As Warren explained, Karou smiled, not because what he had said was particularly pleasant, but because it was rare to find someone who so openly admitted their flaws. "I think I still wear the ring as a reminder to steer clear of matrimony."

Karou hoped, against the odds, that he wasn't saying that with a potential love interest in mind. Still, one part of his excuse didn't ring true: "Why do you think you're no good at commitment? You seem totally committed in other aspects of your life, like your work..."

"I don't think I've ever found someone I liked enough to try." Warren stopped dead in his tracks, shocked that he'd admitted that so readily.

Karou felt Warren fall behind. She stopped and looked back to find him. His expression prompted her to ask another question and save him from the darkness that haunted his face. "So, Magnus knows about you and Ellis, right?"

"Yes, he's always known. But it's just sex. We're not compatible in any other way, not anymore."

"That's… sad," Karou whispered sympathetically. She was always excessively kind. “I don't like her much, but it's still sad."

Amidst the quiet trees, Warren and Karou stood and beheld each other. Slowly but surely, Karou's persistence and patience with him were paying off, and their bond had grown as they shared more and more of themselves. There was something else between them, though.… Chemistry. Warren denied its existence,e and Karou wasn't brave enough to admit she felt it, but that didn't mean the pull wasn't there. It had been since their first meeting.

"Would you like to see the lake?" Since she looked so sorry for him, his motive had altered. He just wanted to please her, to see her smile again. That was his intention and reason for leading her this way. He didn't want her sympathy, which was ill-placed because most of his troubles resulted from his shortcomings, not misfortunes.

"Once the war is over and I'm allowed beyond the wall, I can, right?" Karou smiled, hoping her obedience would lift the mood. She could feel how it had dulled but wouldn't have minded continuing their heart-to-heart despite the melancholy; at least Warren was trying to open up.

"What if I get the guards to open the gate? We could be there and back before dark." Warren nodded towards the watchtowers that loomed overhead.

"What if I run?"

"Please don't. You could break an ankle in those shoes." Warren glanced at her feet before making a more sincere point; "That and I'd have to chase after you. With all the exertion and adrenaline, who knows what I would do when I caught you." A suggestive grin pulled the corner of his lips as his eyes panned back up her body before he met her eyes again and smouldered.

"Hmm, good point. You do look thirsty." Karou returned his sultry sentiment and looked up at him through her lashes. "But I promise I won't run. I do like living here, y'know?"

"I can't imagine why..." Warren turned and set off toward the watchtowers.

"You've never met my parents," Was all Karou said by way of an explanation.

With Warren by her side, being let out of the South East gate was easy. The guards didn't question why he wanted to go out, even if Nate shot her a curious look. At Warren's command, the sheet of steel peeled open, and they walked out into the wilderness together. Their path hugged the wall until they found the brook flowing from the other side. They followed it towards the lake as Warren had promised.

When they arrived on the water's shore, Karou quickly abandoned her shoes and submerged her feet. "Ah! It's freezing." She squealed gleefully as she paddled. "Brrr… But, I suppose it's not so bad once you get used to it." Karou reached down to roll her jeans up her legs so she could wade deeper. Once she submerged herself to her mid-shins, she turned and looked at Warren with a smile. "Thank you for bringing me here. Are you coming in, too?"

"You're welcome." He muttered, distracted by how she appeared in the sunlight; it highlighted the auburn undertones in her hair. "Uh–no, expanses of water, and I don't get along." Warren declined and strolled the shore six or seven feet from the edge—Karou's shoes hung from his hand by their laces.

"Suit yourself; it's refreshing, though."

"As long as you don't catch a cold." He warned; her fragility was never far from his mind.

"Warren, it's July!" Karou chuckled, kicking water in his direction. "Relax, will ya?"

It was a short twenty minutes until Kaoru decided the numbness rising up her legs wasn't pleasant. Even in the middle of summer, the water was too glacial to enjoy for long. She'd started to shiver, and Warren had fought the urge to ask her to get out sooner. When she finally gave in and waded out of the water towards him, he suggested a nearby fallen tree trunk as a bench. Before she slipped her wet feet back into his shoes, he produced a pair of gloves from his jacket pocket and insisted she use them to dry herself.

Karou found Warren's small acts of kindness heartwarming. "Thank you," she said, sliding the oversized woollen mittens onto her hands to wipe the water from her feet and lower legs. "Is it weird that I thought you'd be the type to wear leather gloves?"

"I have a pair of leather driving gloves, but they're pointless these days; cars are heated."

Karou giggled at how practical his answer was. Before she could ask for her shoes, Warren had taken a knee and held them out to her. As she slipped her feet into one and then the other, she asked, "Why didn't you want to come in the water with me?"

"You enjoy making me repeat myself, don't you? I might be a systematically dishonest person, but I don't lie needlessly, Karou," Warren told her off, but it didn't stop him from tying her shoelaces.

"So, you're scared of water?" Karou asked, trying to keep any judgment out of her voice.

"Yes, I have been since I was a boy." As though his answer wasn't intriguing, Warren sat beside her and explained, "I almost drowned in the bath when I was five or six,"

The root of his phobia caught Karou by surprise. "Is that why, back at the unit, such a luxurious bathroom doesn't have a bathtub?"

"No." Warren chuckled and shook his head. "I'm not scared of bathtubs anymore, just large expanses of unpredictable and deep water."

"It must've really traumatised you."

"Hmm, well, phobias are irrational fears. I know what happened is unlikely to ever recur in adulthood, but I still can't bring myself to venture into deep water. I never learned to swim, never even dared try. In my youth, some of my friends had yachts, but I'd never go boating with them. Even large bridges over rushing water make me nervous."

"It's only human to be scared of something."

"But I'm not human."

"You were when you were five." Karou smiled at him warmly.

All while he'd talked, he'd been staring at the object of his fear, the water, but at her compassionate words of understanding, Warren met her eyes. To show how he'd appreciated her kindness, he smiled softly, which caused Karou's own smile to erupt into a grin that made her blue eyes twinkle.

"Will you tell me what happened?" Karou asked, knowing she was pushing her luck. He'd already revealed quite a bit, but getting to know him had become addictive. Now she knew a few of his secrets; she wanted to know them all.

Hunched over his knees and resting his elbows, Warren returned his focus to the still lake. The silence between them stretched on for a slightly uncomfortable length of time, and Karou had begun to wonder whether she ought to apologise in case she'd upset him. Still, then he said, "My mother used to bathe my brother and me on the porch during the summer. She'd fill buckets with water and leave them out in the yard to warm in the sun; that way, she wouldn't have to waste firewood heating pots and pots of water on the stove."

"Robby had gotten into the tub before me. Mother was washing me when we heard Robby start yelling from inside the house. He'd been sent inside to be dried by my father in front of the fire, and he must've done or said something to make him angry." There was another long pause in which Warren seemed to be contemplating what he was about to say.

"My father had a short fuse and nasty temper. He hated that Robby wasn't like other boys... From when he was old enough to express himself, he was very effeminate. I mean, he knew he was a boy, but he saw no wrong in liking dresses, dolls and such. His friends were exclusively little girls. My father thought he could beat his queerness out of him."

"Mother left me alone in the bathtub to go defend Robby, who was getting an ass whooping. I panicked, stood up to go after her, and slipped. When I tried to find my feet, it was as if the water wouldn't let me." Warren sighed. "For years after that, I was a very dirty little boy." He smirked over his shoulder at Karou, but his expression didn't inspire a smile from her. She looked sad.

"Did he beat you too—your dad?"

"Why're you worried about that?" Warren asked, but Karou didn't offer an answer, she held his gaze with that same sad look in her eyes and waited. Eventually, Warren said, "Yes, he did. I'd take beatings for Robby and my mother if I got the chance. But... I wasn't always there to stop him from putting his hands on them."

For a while after, they both stared at the lake in convalescence. They were both victims of parental abuse, and despite all their other differences, they had that in common.

When he felt enough time had been spent wallowing, Warren stood from the log and nodded in the direction of the Compound. "We should start walking back before the sun drops below the treeline."

Karou agreed and followed him silently. She couldn't help mulling over Warren's childhood recollection, which dampened her spirit. The closer they got to the gate, the less peaceful the silence became. It grew stifling until Warren couldn't take it anymore.

"Karou." He stopped dead and turned to face her. "Don't dwell on what I've told you. My father paid for ever laying a finger on his family, I made sure of that."

Karou met Warren's eyes, and even though they were inky black and hollow‐looking, she could tell he meant to be kind. "I just don't get why people bother having kids if they aren't even going to try to be decent parents. Like, I wasn't a bad kid, yet my mom still couldn't even be nice to me."

"Neither was I. I was just too much like my mother. He could never accept that he had two sons, and neither of us resembled him in the slightest. Guess he felt that he had no heirs or legacy to leave behind and punished us for it. My mother made up for my father's lack of love tenfold. She was a wonderful, kind-hearted woman."

"I'm glad." Karou smiled weakly. "I wasn't so lucky."

"I know, and for that, I'm sorry... but it's all behind us now."

✷✷✷

The hour or two they spent by the lake had come and gone. As Warren had said, they made it back to the unit half an hour before dark. The setting sun had dipped below the treeline and left the sky a stunning pink and burnt orange wash.

Inside, Karou flung herself onto the couch with a dramatic sigh. Their day had been fun, and it would be nice to remember Warren by it when he was back to being his usual icy self. Of course, it was also bittersweet given their conversation and because she figured his amicable mood wouldn't last.

Warren disappeared into his office as soon as they had gotten home. His thirst was starting to get to him, and he didn't want it to taint the rest of his evening with Karou by constantly eyeing her neck hungrily. On his return to the lounge, Warren took up his usual corner seat on the couch and looked over at Karou briefly when he placed his tumbler, wrapped in a heat pack, onto the coffee table. He saw her eye it, so before she could ask, he explained, "I only drink it cold if I'm desperate."

"Makes sense. It's a little different looking at it now that I know where it came from."

"Hmm, it makes you wonder why people say knowledge is power." Warren dipped his finger into the thick red liquid to check if it was at his preferred temperature yet. It wasn't, so he withdrew his fingers and nonchalantly sucked the blood from it.

"You always have something witty or insightful to say," Karou said, watching him from where she lay. Her eyes paid particular attention to what he'd done with his finger.

"Comes with being old..." Warren chuckled, flopping back against the sofa, spanning his arms down its back.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You always go ahead and do what you want anyway, so why ask?" He shrugged but seemed to be giving Karou an allowance.

"I've wanted to all day, but I didn't want to ruin your day off." Karou rolled onto her side and curled up with her cushion. "Do you have a reason—"

"—If you've waited that long already, we can talk about it tomorrow." Warren cut her off because he had a feeling he knew the nature of her question, and she was right; talking about it would've soured his day with her.

Their evening passed as usual, with dinner and then a movie playing in the background. Between scenes, she'd glance at him as he took sips from his warm bloody beverage and took note of how his eyes gradually changed colour. Before long, they were a wonderfully crystalline shade of blue, and the heavy darkness that surrounded them disappeared, too.

Eventually, Karou fell asleep. While Warren drank a glass of scotch to chase his other refreshment, he left her sprawled on the couch until he was ready to sleep too. He contemplated waking her but disturbing her for the sake of her walking to her room when she'd exerted herself trekking through the woods that afternoon seemed petty. So, after some internal debate, Warren picked her up and carried her to bed. The way her head lopped into his chest and how she nuzzled into him brought to mind the morning. Paused before her bedroom door, he glanced at his own and imagined a possibility, but before he allowed it to form fully, he set her down on her bed and covered her with the quilt. I've touched you a lot already today... Perhaps too much. Upon turning to leave, Warren noticed the messy state of her desk. He expected to find a mass of artwork and half-drawn sketches but had to double-take the titles of the books she had stacked there instead. Stepping closer, Warren saw a few books lying open with pages marked by torn strips of paper. He wasn't usually one to pry, as he valued his own privacy, but her chosen topic of research alarmed him, and the soft smile that had adorned his face vanished as his brow hardened. A notebook accompanied her reading material; without thinking, he leafed through it briefly before confiscating it from her room.